


What (Who) drives her to this?

by Bow_woahh



Series: Catradora Week 2018 [1]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Adora is tired, Angst, Catra defects, Catra is tired, Catra leaving the horde, Catradora Week 2018, F/F, Fluff, Hordak is mentioned, I really don't know how to tag, They need hugs, catradora, perspective switches, this fic is a little edgy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 05:31:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17217938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bow_woahh/pseuds/Bow_woahh
Summary: Day 1: The Horde/Rebellion (Catradora Week 2018)Both Catra and Adora are tired.Both Catra and Adora reach a breaking point. Both Catra and Adora need to stop thinking.And when they do what will it drive them to do?





	What (Who) drives her to this?

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhhhh I'm so happy and excited to release this, I really enjoyed day one, and I can't wait to see what everyone else writes! 
> 
> This fic is kinda trippy in a weird way, like it's a purposely ambiguous at some points and I really like the style it's written in. 
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy!

_Run. Keep running. Don't stop._

 

Catra had reached her breaking point and lashed out. And because of that she would pay. She knew it. Though they'd have to find her first...

 

Catra decides there was no point dwelling on what could happen, instead, she keeps running, and she doesn't look back.

 

\---

 

Adora is tired. She is always tired. Fatigued, in fact. Being She-Ra isn't easy. Being a hero isn't easy. Hell, even being _herself_ isn't easy anymore.

 

_Or was it ever easy?_

 

She doesn't know, nor care at this point in time. She sits on her bed listening to the tiny, almost inaudible noises, anything to focus on, to comfort her.

 

That is fairly easy. Until it isn't.

 

\---

 

Catra finally stops. While it is a relief on her legs, she feels as if she could have kept on running forever. It is something she was pretty good at - running away from things.

 

She scoffs at herself.

 

_Not exactly something I should be proud of._

 

She stops in a deserted village, most likely destroyed (then abandoned) by the Horde.

 

The _Evil_ Horde.

 

Catra shuns herself for not realising sooner that betrayal amongst even those in the highest ranks was something _he_ would do to get ahead in some twisted way. She _knows_ she is partly to blame but the fact he didn't even explain himself made her mad. Very mad.

 

Catra _loathes_ betrayal.

 

And just like before, betrayal is what drove her to this. 

 

\---

 

Adora sleeps. But when she wakes up she still feels that it did nothing to help shake off the mess of apathy, angst and upset.

 

_What's wrong with me?_

 

Nothing made it better. She tried everything, sleeping being her last bet on how to rid herself of these nauseating feelings.

 

It does nothing. If not make it worse.

 

 _Why?_  Adora thought back what she would do before.

Back at the Fright Zone, after a particularly grueling training session, Adora would wash away all her troubles in the shower, sink into her mattress, and then be greeted by the warmth of-

 

Catra.

 

She laughs to herself.

 

 _Am I really still_   **–** I'm _missing **her**? _

 

Before Adora has the chance to be fully sucked into the black hole of misery due to the past couple months, she is interrupted by a knock on the door. And a soft voice. Glimmer enters the room, bombarding her with far too many questions and words.

 

“You've been in here all day.”

 

“Fine. I'm fine.” Adora mutters.

 

“Are you sure you're okay?”

 

“Hmm.” Adora nods.

 

“We can get you to the infirmary.”

 

“No…” Adora shakes her head.

 

“Adora, seriously what's going on?”

 

_Everything is too loud._

 

What happens next is all a blur, and looking back, Adora doesn't really know what drove her to this.

 

\---

 

Catra doesn't want to think. Catra doesn't want to think about anything. Catra doesn't want to think about what to do next and Catra doesn't want to think about what she just did.

 

She doesn't want to recall _his_ screech.

 

She doesn't want to recall the looks of terror _._

Of _disappointment._

 

She was always an outcast. Even in her own home. She wasn't meant to be there. She was too (good?) rotten for even the Horde. A bad apple.

 

Or maybe, just maybe, Adora is-

 

_No. No no no no._

 

Catra doesn't want to think.

 

Especially not about her. The pain and hurt has only just barely left her system. Only because she stopped letting her subconscious think entirely. She instead _overthank_. 

 

But it was taking control again. It took control when she had lashed out and it was doing the same now. _Guiding her_. And without having to think, without haveih to overthink, it brings her to the entrance of the Whispering Woods.

 

It is very obvious what (who) drives her to this.

 

\---

 

Adora bites her bottom lip, brings her knees to her chest and shuts her eyes.

 

Everything is too much.

 

The creaking of the window is too loud.

The sound of the wind is too loud.

The footsteps outside of her room is too loud.

And Glimmer's voice is _booming_.

 

She wants it to stop. But she can't, she can't  make it stop. She isn't able to.

 

Adora wants to stop thinking all together. She wants to let whatever else there is, _anything_ else there is in her body take control.

 

_Too loud. Too loud. Too loud. Too loud-_

 

Glimmer stops talking, which is a relief, though there was still everything else. It is magnified by ten now.

 

Everything is racing, nothing is calm - until everything is.

 

Adora finally stops thinking.

 

A hand, (Glimmer's hand) grasps Adora's shoulder, and she grabs the hand then twists it and the hand bends back in a way it _isn't_ supposed to bend. A scream. Then she just _pushes_ it back and it makes a _clicking_ sound. A stumble.

 

Then she runs. She runs out of the room, she runs past the guards, she runs out the castle. But it isn't really her doing all this.

 

And without having to think about it, (finally without having to think about it) she has brought herself to the entrance of the Whispering Woods.

 

It is very obvious what (who) drives her to this.

 

\---

 

Catra is gaining control again, not completely, not by choice, but she is slowly gaining control again.

 

She stares at the decadent trees. She listens for any noise, any sign of life.

 

 _It's not like anyone will be in here. It's not like_ **_she_ ** _will be in there._

 

Catra loses control again. And for once she's glad.

 

Her feet meet the unfamiliar ground. She starts walking.

 

\---

 

Adora has lost control.

 

It's like she isn't herself anymore. She isn't.

 

It doesn't matter however, it's not _her_ problem because it's not really _her_ thinking. But it is.

 

Guards are starting to jog towards her. She looks at them, then to the entrance of the woods.

 

 _It's not like anyone will be there waiting for me._  

 

Adora isn't thinking, it's not Adora thinking, so whatever it is controlling her decides that running is what she needs to do.

 

She's glad she isn't thinking. She keeps running.

 

\---

 

Catra secretly wishes _she_ would be in there.

 

\---

 

Adora secretly wishes _she would be_  in there.

 

\---

 

Catra wanders with an almost frantic purpose, as if she (or her subconscious) is looking for something.

 

_But what?_

 

It's not as if she doesn't have supplies, food , it's not as if she needs to here.

 

_But you do._

 

Catra isn't saying that, someone else in her head is. She just isn't sure who yet.

 

She continues wandering, letting herself drift wherever.

 

She doesn't get tired. She feels she could wander forever.

 

Then, she smells something, something different to the heaps of plants and animals she has been smelling for however long now.

 

She smells something familiar. Something comforting, something, no someone that-

 

_No. It can't be her._

 

Catra wants to stop. She wants to think again. Even if it means overthinking.

 

_No. It won't be her._

 

Catra doesn't stop. She isn't thinking again.

She's letting her subconscious take her.

 

She follows the distinct scent.

 

\---

 

Adora’s sprinting now. Sprinting through the trees and vines, and she doesn't stop until she's forced to stop, by the root that rudely trips her up.

 

She sits up, sweaty and gasping for air, even though whatever's controlling her mind is saying _go, go, go_ , while her body is saying _no, no, no_.

 

She ignores both of them for the moment, standing up, despite the pain that shoots up her legs, and looks around.

 

_Where am I?_

 

It's not like she is necessarily worried, or bothered, as it is not really her in control right now, and so the next thought she has reaffirms this.

 

_Does is really matter?_

 

She walks on, giving her body time to cool down, listening to the sounds of nature around her.

 

_It's finally quiet._

 

She stops, closes her eyes and smiles.

 

_This is how it's meant to be._

 

Then it's louder all of a sudden. Her senses never betray her. She knows it's another person. She knows who she wants it to be.

 

 _It won't be_ **_her_ ** _though._

 

Adora doesn't stop. Her mind won't let her stop. And she doesn't want to stop.

 

She is getting closer to the footsteps.

 

\--

 

_Their paths always seem to cross, no matter how far they run. Maybe...they should try and stay?_

 

-

 

Catra is getting closer…

 

-

 

Adora is getting closer…

 

-

 

_Nearly there._

 

Then she sees her and Catra's whole body stiffens.

 

_She's...she's right there._

 

Adora just stares back.

 

_It’s, it's actually Catra..._

 

Catra is the first to break the bewildered silence, “A-Adora?”

 

“Hey…” Adora is just as shocked. They are both lost for words. They are both lost for words because they have both been in autopilot, and now being back in the driver's seat is even harder than before.

 

They are both, starting to think again.

 _Only_ for each other's sake.

 _Only_ to try understand what's happening.

Otherwise they wouldn't bother.

 

Neither are hostile. Both girls can tell that the other is struggling, with something, who knows what.

 

Both girls can tell this is not a trap, the surprise in the others eyes is enough to know that.

 

Adora paces over to be face to face with Catra, and Catra let's herself relax, rather than be on edge. She's thinking again, but she's not thinking as much as _before_.

 

“Your... clothes, they, they're different.” Adora examines them before looking up at Catra, who's wearing a red poncho, bloody and ripped.

 

“Yeah…” the word comes out in a croak, as Catra hasn't used her voice in days.

 

“They're matted too. Did-” Adora considers if she has the right to ask this, she doesn't know, but she wants to, so she does. “Did you defect?”

She looks up into Catra's mismatched eyes, searching for the possible answer, pleading for it to be the _right_ answer.

 

“I...uh, I guess. It's a long story, so, do...do you wanna sit?” Catra gestures to the log.

 

She does so eagerly, and faces Catra, whole body in her direction, ready to listen to Catra, ready to understand Catra.

 

_Catra, Catra, Catra, Catra, Catra._

 

To Adora this is better than the comforting noises of nature. Whatever _was_ controlling her agrees.

 

Catra starts talking, and Adora never stops listening.

 

\--

 

“I.” Catra sighs, looking ahead. “I lost control. Everything was getting too much. It really was just a build up of everything that's happened. But what _he_ did made me snap.”

 

“Hordak?”

 

Catra nods. “Hmn. I thought-” her voice cracks a little, and for a second it looks like she might cry.

 

_Don't cry._

 

She doesn't cry, at least not yet. Adora, places a hand on her thigh, and it's comforting, so she continues.

 

“I thought, that after everything, after him choosing _me_ over Shadow Weaver that that would make me happy, that that would mean I'm worth it. Even if it did mean we were _killing_ all these innocent people. For a while I convinced myself it would all be okay. That I'd be okay. ”

 

“But it wasn't. You weren't.” Adora's hand was still on her thigh, never wavering.

 

“Yeah, I wasn't. After attacking this village which was just full of _children,_ and you stopping us, _thank Etheria_ you did, I realised I couldn't keep living like this.” She drew in another breath, in a futile attempt to fill herself up with something, _anything_.

 

“But I couldn't just defect either, they'd just find me, and, and maybe kill me, since I know too much already, so...I got Entrapta to start sabotaging things, slow things down, let you guys catch up, because I couldn't live myself doing nothing after the way _you_ looked at me in that village.” Catra brings herself to look at the other girl.

 

_Don't cry, don't cry._

 

Adora is gazes back, eyes telling Catra to go on, so she doesn't overthink it, she does what she thinks is right. She continues

 

“Sabotage on the inside just...it wasn't enough. Nothing was. So, I planned something bigger. For the last siege, you know the one I disappeared partway through?”

 

Adora nods, recalling the confusion and almost _disappointed_ feeling of not being able to see Catra anywhere.

 

“I was planning to have all the tanks and suits power down, with the help of Entrapta, but before it even happened, I-I was knocked out and I woke up tied up and then _he_ was there, and it didn't seem like he knew anything I had been doing, it was only when I-”

 

She stops herself.

 

_Why am I telling her all this? Why, why, why?_

_Because it feels right._

 

Adora's hand is still there.

 

“He hit me. Over and over, saying I was the Hordes biggest disappointment, how I had _expired_ and now he had to dispose of me...” One tear rolls down.

 

“It was like _her_ all over. So I lost it. I started _screeching_ how I've been working against him and I started to...I broke free, and I pounced on him and gouged his eye out, in front of all the force captains, and I...I ran.

 

And they let me.”

 

The tears were flowing freely.

 

Adora stiffins, then relaxes, bringing her hand up to Catra's cheek, wiping away the water.

 

Catra let's her. She has stopped overthinking.

 

“That...that must of been hard, and I'm sure you're scared. I was. And I know we're not completely okay yet, but I want to be, so-”

 

“Adora-”

 

She scoots closer and pulls Catra's head to her chest, and Catra let's her. Both their hearts melt a little. Catra's tail instinctively curls around Adora's hip.

 

Adora whispers into Catra's ear, “...so I want to fix this. _Us_.”

 

Shivers crawl down Catra's spine.

 

“I...I haven't been great either lately. I can barely sleep at night, and today, I blacked out. I'm not sure what I did. I remember talking to Glimmer, then running. That's it. Like it wasn't me thinking. Then I found you. And I think...I think it's because of this. I think it's because _I need you_.”

 

Catra is speechless.

Catra is tired.

But Catra isn't overthinking anymore. She lets her subconscious take over.

 

She sits up and looks deep into those beautiful ocean eyes and says, “I-I think I need you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you if you got to the end, I'd really appreciate comments and kudos!
> 
> Also if you'd like to follow me on Tumblr, my username is the exact same lmao, here's the link too:
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/bow-woahh


End file.
